“Oh, you think [the beach] is your ally. But you merely adopted the [sand]; I was born [on] it, molded by it. I didn’t see the [inside of a gymnasium] until I was already a man. By then, it was nothing to me but [HARDWOOD]! The [sand drifts] betray you, because they belong to me!” — [Beach Volleyball] Bane

So it was between that and some sort of reference to beaching you off (which we know our Barbie fans would have appreciated), but in the end, the Kens were no match for [Beach Volleyball] Bane — much as 1960s’ Robin stood no chance against modern-day Bane.

But enough with the pop culture references, new and old! We’re here to talk shop, and by that, I mean volleyball. Specifically, the kind played on the sand in the summertime, which is the best kind in my opinion, and the preferred version of the sport for Chicagoans when the warm weather washes up on the shores of Lake Michigan. I’m extrapolating a bit here, of course, but that feels like a fairly safe statement to make. Visit any of the beaches mentioned below for yourself during the summer and you'll likely come to the same conclusion.

All right, have we had enough introduction? You read the title of the post and clicked on it for a particular purpose, so let’s not dilly dally any longer. Here are the best spots in Chicago for beach volleyball, beginning closer to downtown and moving north.

(*Note: These are locations where you can find poles for beach volleyball. In order to play, you will need to bring your own net, lines, and ball (or jump in on someone else’s pickup game).)

1. Oak Street Beach

Unmatched in its proximity to the heart of it all, Oak Street Beach is just steps from the north end of Michigan Avenue, nestled right alongside Lakeshore Drive. You won’t find as many nets here as you will at North Avenue and Montrose, but getting your volleyball on as the skyscrapers literally rise up all around you is pretty nifty. The only downside of those tall buildings being so close is that Oak Street consequently gets fewer hours of sunlight. That doesn’t necessarily hamper your volleyball prospects — there are lit courts — but it does diminish your tanning opportunities (#sad).

The obvious downside of Oak Street is its limited real estate. I’m not sure on the exact number of poles, but there are far fewer than what is available at the beaches mentioned below.

On a different note: if you work up an appetite hitting those balls around, you don’t have to go very far to find something to eat. Oak Street Beach Food + Drink and Whispers at Oak Street Beach are both right there on the sand. I can’t say much for what they have to offer (I’ve never been to either), but, you know, they’re there. Not to mention, you’re just steps away from all the Magnificent Mile has to offer.

2. North Avenue Beach

I don’t mean for you to stop reading after this little blurb, but I’ve got to be honest: North Avenue Beach is kind of the place to be when it comes to beach volleyball in Chicago. Less than a mile north of Oak Street, it’s one of the larger beaches in the Windy City, featuring so many courts, you won’t even know what to do with yourself. Except for the fact that, during the week, a handful of leagues take up a good percentage of the beach — we’re talking like 80-90 percent of the available space — relegating the rest of us peasants to choose from only a handful of spots.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday, when there are typically fewer or no league games and only the occasional tournament, such as Volleywood or The Big Dig, are the real contenders here. And that’s when you’d most likely be trying to play anyway, am I right? So it kind of works out perfectly.

Unlike Oak Street (and Montrose, which we’ll get to in a second), where the courts are pretty much contained to one area, North Avenue is divided into a few distinct volleyball regions. Okay, calling them “regions” is a little much, but it happened and we’re moving on. First, you have The Pit, an oval-shaped area immediately south of Castaways Bar & Grill. This area, protected to a degree by trees and other structures from the winds blowing in off the big lake, is what you might consider prime real estate. Wind-avoidant, well-lit, and sufficiently-poled, The Pit, if you will, is it.

The three other volleyball “regions” of North Avenue Beach are the North Courts, Reserve Courts, and South Courts, all of which are found along the shoreline. Let’s set aside the Reserve Courts, which are sandwiched between the other two and cost cash money to… ahem… reserve, and focus on North and South. The North Courts are situated on a thinner stretch of the beach that sidles right up to Lake Shore Drive and are where you’re most likely to find action on Saturday mornings. League play is a factor up this way during the week at times, but there are usually at least a handful of poles available for setup.

The South Courts, meantime, are on the very southern tippy tip of North Avenue Beach, which curls out into Lake Michigan like a cute, little cornucopia. These courts are less league-dominated, but come with a couple of drawbacks: no protection from the wind whatsoever, and extremely close proximity to the water (can you say, “goodbye, $80 AVP ball”?).

3. Montrose Beach

Last we have Montrose Beach, a behemoth unto itself even further north than North Avenue. Featuring softer sand than both of the other beaches mentioned here, Montrose is also the largest of this trio and has rows upon rows of volleyball poles (slant rhyme, anyone?) just waiting for you and your crew to come tear it up. Further distinguishing itself from Oak Street and North Avenue is the fact that Montrose has ample free (yes, you are reading that correctly — FREE) parking in a narrow but long lot that stretches from Lawrence Avenue down to Montrose Avenue itself.

Similar to North Avenue, there are also league games here throughout summer, but it’s typically pretty easy to find open poles to set up shop. Pro tip: a surefire day of the week to jump in on some competitive, 2-on-2 volleyball at Montrose is Tuesday when a gentleman by the name of Art usually sets up a dozen or so nets specifically for two’s.

The only real bugaboo with Montrose is the lack of lights for nighttime volleyball shenanigans. So, short of acquiring some glow-in-the-dark gear for your games, daytime is slay time.

By the by: for some extracurriculars (see: food, drink, post-game entertainment), you might consider dropping by The Dock at Montrose Beach, a restaurant with patio seating that serves up not only American fare but also live music all summer long. The lineup, once posted, can be found here.

-LTH